I’m finishing out my last day of vacation feeling under the weather. The family headed out for one last beach trip to watch the sunset without me while I nursed a sore throat. The fear of missing out was strong, making me think of other things that I miss.
The Blogust challenge, similar to my Blogmas series, is about posting daily, with one caveat: there is no theme! So today, since I’m feeling nostalgic and I’ll, I’m listing off things that my heart aches for. Things that were but are no longer. Things that flood my mind with bittersweet memories of days gone by.
I miss spending a week at Nanny’s house. Sometimes with my older sister and sometimes on my own. Before my cousins were born Nanny would keep us occupied with trips to the swimming pool or Papaw’s cabin. We would hike through the stingweeds up to Dead Man’s mountain. Nanny tells the best stories, too. And Papaw’s cooking is what I believe heaven will taste like. Aunt Lisa is the coolest Aunt - she’s stylish and has the best taste in music. When Erica & Jesse were born the summer fun tripled and I would give anything to go back and spend a week as a kid again, swimming all day and laughing late into the evening.
I miss having lake days with the family. When Dad got his boat, I remember thinking it was so cool that it had a cd player and blasted the Pirates of the Caribbean soundtrack during our first time out on the water. The days spent at the lake were some of the best, even though I’d be aching with tendonitis in my arms on the drive home from swimming so much.
I miss having summer breaks that were actually breaks. My favorite summer break was after my first year of college. I had a part-time job in the evenings so I would wake up and make a bowl of oatmeal for breakfast before working out and then finish with a good hour of sunbathing while listening to Nelly Furtado’s Loose album. I wanted to be extra fit & tan just in case Daniel was going to propose to me. ;)
I miss how “fat” I was back then, because I wasn’t. I was gorgeous and I should have never let myself believe otherwise.
I miss how balanced I felt. I had my family. I had Daniel. I had hobbies like bellydancing that I enjoyed. I didn’t feel guilty for spending time doing things that I enjoyed.
There’s so much more that I could add to the list, but I need to rest up for now and not let this virus get the best of me. I know it’s ok to think about the past, but never to try and live there. When I’m sick I can’t help but think of the things that I have taken for granted when I was well off. I can’t wait to feel better and chase after more things that help spark joy. Until then “When You’re Gone” by the Cranberries is going to play in my head as I look back on summers past.
