I Figured It Out

It's been four days since my last post. Life happened, of course. Friday's post was nonexistent. I was going to write up something late that night, but ended up feeling tired and planning to pick back up over the weekend. I had been asleep for a little under two hours when I woke up to my youngest having a coughing fit and struggling to breathe. A trip to the ER and three hours later, I was unable to settle back down to sleep until my morning alarm started going off. I spent the remainder of my Saturday napping on and off. Sunday was uneventful, which was a blessing. My daughter wasn't feeling any worse and I finally managed to get up and be productive around the house for a bit. I had started a post for Monday, but started feeling ill myself Sunday evening, so it remained a draft. Monday was rough, I wasn't feeling the best and was only able to do the bare minimum before calling it a day.

It's extremely underwhelming spending my last few days of being 35 feeling so crummy. Every year I feel my hope being renewed around my birthday, the blessing of getting to be another year older. I always have high hopes of making the next year better than the last, but so far my track record leaves so very much to be desired. 365 days of achieving nothing, doing the bare minimum, going through the motions, feeling useless and without purpose. Is it weird that I don't *feel*  36? I don't feel like I'm on the wrong side of 25, but I do feel like I'm not making a difference, that I'm just a burden needing to be dealt with.

I was doom scrolling to numb my feelings when I was lead to 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19:

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in everything; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. 

I used to always wonder what God's calling for my life was. Was I meant to be more than a wife and mother? I realized that those verses tell me exactly what His will for me is. When I posture my heart to rejoice over all He is, supplicate my worries and concerns to Him, putting Him above all, and express my gratitude for all He has done, is working on, and will do—that is what I'm meant to be doing with my life.

I also couldn't help but recognize that I've had another part of His calling on display in my living room for nearly a decade now. Micah 6:8 says,

Mankind, He has told each of you what is good and what is is the Lord requires of you: to act justly, love mercy, and to walk humbly with your God.

I am able to fulfill His calling for my life each and every day if I choose to live and abide by what these verses teach me to do. The choices I make in my home for my family or when I'm out and about will make a wave of difference whether or not I get credit for them or not. I do not need validation from other people more than I need to be an obedient vessel for my Lord and Savior. God did not knit me in my Momma's womb for me to live as if I was an incapable, utter failure of a human being. I was created to seek my Creator and to lead others to do the same.

Once I'm over this cold and feeling back to normal, I can't wait to hit the ground running and start enjoying my life again. Nothing is going to happen overnight, but it won't happen at all until I start getting out of my comfort zone some. Thanks for reading my little devotional; your regularly scheduled Blogust post will be up tomorrow afternoon!