I don't like being stuck in a rut. The moment I am able to plot my escape, motivation abounds, energy soars — suddenly I'm knocked off my feet, stumbling a few paces back from where I started. The last decade of my life has felt like more like a series of setbacks than successes. Just when I think I've diagnosed what's keeping me from "becoming my best self" I'm overcome with another hoard of discouraging symptoms that vow to take the place of any peace and security in my life. How many hundreds of texts will I have to send my sister, stating my sorry plight while struggling to take hold of the last thread of hope, before I'm able to break free of whatever keeps weighing me down so that I can finally move on with my life?
Welcome to Blogust! This month I'm vowing to write every day (sorry I missed the weekend) because I want to and I think it will be good for me to have to work to be consistent and accountable. Today's subject isn't very encouraging, but it's what's making my heart heavy as of late. Today was supposed to be my "day one" of so many different plans I had made in my head for myself, but it didn't turn into much of anything so I am already feeling the shackles of disappointment tightening around my limbs, rendering me incapable of making any kind of effort in the near future....
....but, what if I try again tomorrow? My train of thought is taking off, so hopefully my writing, though so late in the evening, will be somewhat coherent. Monday will be mere memories in thirty-five more minutes, but what if I wake up tomorrow and, I don't know, just do one thing differently? What if all it takes for me to finally get on with my life is to actually get on with it? When did I start believing that I had to start at one specific point for things to be meaningful? Why can't it be this exact second?
Dear reader, forgive my emotional blabber. I think a good shower and a good night's rest is in order for now, and tomorrow, beautiful and blessed tomorrow will be a day to rejoice and be glad in. And I will be back here to write to you all about it!
