I planned to start my (second round of) 75 Soft challenge Monday, August 12. I thought I was prepared. I had a few errands to run that day and I wasn't aware of how drained only a couple of hours out would leave me. I'm supposed to be doing Weight Watchers (recommended by my doctor at my latest physical). It's been really hard for me. I went on vacation about two weeks after I signed up (a 10-month contract, should have read the teeny tiny extra fine print) and found it even harder after I came back home. With the kids returning to school, my husband not home to cook for us as much, I thought this would be my time to take control and get myself on the plan and also provide better for my husband and kids.
Now, all I think about is food. This food is bad. This food is good. This food is 0 points, but this food is 8 points and I like it more but can't have it. I've been struggling with my weight since my late twenties. I've not felt at home in my own body for nearly a decade now. My doctor keeps telling me to lose weight. And she's right, I need to lose weight. I just don't know why I have to make it so difficult for myself!
I feel like I'm letting my parents down, I'm letting my husband down, I'm letting my kids down, and I'm letting you down, too, reader. I don't want to feel embarrassed by the clothes I have to wear to try and hide myself. I don't want to embarrass my husband because he deserves someone smaller than me. I don't want to embarrass my kids because all of their classmates moms are in better shape all around and I'm a plumb sorry excuse.
I don't want my beautiful daughters to ever feel this way. I don't want my son to think that what's on the outside is a true reflection of our hearts. I know I'm sounding crazy, and my feelings aren't facts, but they've been screaming at me so much lately I can't seem to drown them out.
I wanted to share my 75 Soft challenge protocol with you because I thought I was off to a good start, and the accountability would keep my momentum going. I didn't know I was going to immediately start off with three subsequent backslides. I mentioned I had tried this challenge earlier this year, starting around mid-April, and found much success within the first 25 days. And then one bad day caused everything to tumble down.
So, it's still day three of my 75 challenge and I didn't accomplish nearly half of what I should have. But, I'm going to try again tomorrow. And the next time I think about it, I'll fill you in on my progress. But as for tonight, I'm ashamed and I'm struggling and I could use a little prayer to get myself out of this hole I seem to keep falling back into.
I'm off to go work on a grocery list for the rest of the week... please, pray for me!
